


He's So Shy

by squidgie



Series: Squidgie's CommentFic Fills [8]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Atlantis Stitch & Bitch Energy, Crack, DADT Repeal, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Pre-Slash, So. Much. Crack.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:27:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26758720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: Evan couldn't help but let a sigh escape his lips.  "So are the Colonel and I the only two military expedition membersnotgetting laid right now?"
Relationships: Evan Lorne/Parrish, Markham/Stackhouse (Stargate), Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Series: Squidgie's CommentFic Fills [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935178
Comments: 41
Kudos: 104
Collections: Bite Sized Bits of Fic, Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2020





	He's So Shy

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god... First off, RUN AWAY!
> 
> Second, this is for the awesome comment_fic prompt: Stargate Atlantis, Evan Lorne/David Parrish,  
> He's so shy  
> That sweet little boy who caught my eye  
> (Pointer Sisters)
> 
> Third, did I say run away?
> 
> Okay, so when I first sat down to write this, I was going full angst. I'm talking unrequited love, pangs of desire, eye fucking from across the room and everything. But then Markham ran through my head, gayer than a goose, having just stepped off a pride parade float while wearing Daisy Duke cutoff (and nothing else), flashing every single person that stepped into his path, then started a kissing booth and raised a record amount of money for Llamda Legal, P-FLAG, and NCLR. And that, my friends, was the last that I saw of both my sanity and my idea of angst.

'He's so shy.'

It took a second for Evan to realize that what he had thought was _also_ what he just accidentally said aloud. At least that's what he figured based on the looks on the faces of everyone around him. Stackhouse looked nonplussed, but if he rolled his eyes any harder, they'd be stuck looking at his brain. Radek's spoon hung halfway to his mouth, the blue jello wobbling on the edge of his spoon like it was trying to escape. And Cadman... Well, actually, Cadman was relatively new to Atlantis and hadn't been subjected to the ongoing saga of Lorne's longing for the lanky scientist who somehow managed to maintain a smudge of dirt somewhere on his uniform at all times. 

"Who?" she asked.

Evan was about to open his mouth when Stackhouse hummed a few notes, then sang, reminiscent of the Pointer Sister's song, "That sweet bot'nist boy who caught my eye," and pointed to the table where David Parrish and a few of the scientists sat, sharing a midday snack. "Parrish. One of the newbies." He gestured to Evan with his fork, cream cheese frosting threatening to drip from the tines. "Came here on the last Daedalus run. Major's had a boner for him ever since he and Parrish literally tripped over a dead Wraith." He clutched his hands together, loose frosting landing on the next table over. "Such a romantic first date," he said, batting his eyelashes at Evan.

"Funny," Lorne deadpanned, "But I thought you had a little rendezvous planned with your boyfriend out on the mainland, Stacks."

Stackhouse smiled. "I do," he said as he bounced a little in the stiff benches that made up most of the seating in the Mess. "Three days R&R at a little hunting cabin the Athosians built for the weird elk-like hunting season. I don't care that there's nothing but snow and ice around, because we're gonna be bare-ass naked in front of a roaring fire the entire time doing unconscionable things to each other. And I won't miss your," he said, pointing to Radek, "sorry," he said, pointing to Cadman, "asses," he finished, pointing at Evan.

Evan smirked his response.

" _Sir_ ," he added like so many insult afterthoughts, then tossed in a wink at Evan for good measure.

"Who? Davey?" Cadman asked. She took a bite of the chili she'd been nursing for the last half hour. "You should ask him, Ev. He's a really sweet guy."

Evan sighed as he studied David, and couldn't help when he blushed as David caught his gaze and raised a hand slightly to wave and mouthed a bashful, 'Hi' from across the room.

"Oh my lord, Evan," Stackhouse said. "Here," he said as he reached into his BDUs and pulled out a notepad and a pen. "How 'bout you write 'Do you like me? Circle Yes or No' and we'll have someone sneak it over to his table in homeroom."

"That vacation's getting shorter and shorter, Stacks," Evan warned, though there was no heat to his voice. He waved back at Parrish, then finally turned his attention from the table of scientists to the trio of friends with whom he'd shared his lunch hour. "A three-hour 'jumper ride, was it?" 

"Hey, don't knock it," Stackhouse replied. "We can do a hell of a lot of damage in three hours."

"Ano," Radek said with a nod of his head. "I have shared 'jumper with you two. Practically had to disinfect the cabin upon return to the city."

That earned Radek a smirk from each of them.

"Hey, it's not like you weren't invited to join in-"

"Oh god, _Stacks_!" Evan sighed. He shook his head fondly. "You know I love you guys, but I swear, what're you two gonna do when you finish sleeping your way through the entire expedition?" It was true; Markham and Stackhouse's approach to relationships was completely something more out of his mother's hippie "Love the one you're with" commune philosophy more than something he aspired for. But it worked for them, so who was he to complain? " _Anyway_ ," he said as he glanced back toward David once again, then to Cadman. "I'd like to ask him out, Laura," he said, "but I don't even know if he's..."

He didn't say the actual word, but not because he was ashamed of it. Rather, he had seen first hand how damaging idle gossip has been to some of Atlantis' personnel, and he wouldn't wish that on anyone. The good thing was those idle-chatting troublemakers had forcibly been rotated back to Earth months before.

"65/35 bisexual, male leaning. Last two relationships were women, but he said every time he closes his eyes and pictures himself in the future, it's with a man. Wants kids, but prefers surrogacy to adoption for sentimental reasons." By then, all eyes were on Radek, who rolled facts off his tongue about Doctor David Parrish as if he were reading from a Wikipedia article. "Oh, and told me he's never had an anal orgasm, though he's tried."

" _Challenge accepted_ ," Stackhouse practically drooled.

Evan nearly spat out his water. He _should_ be used to both Stacks and Markham by now. But there was a part of him that hoped he never would. "Bad Stacks," he said and playfully shook a finger at him. "Down, boy!"

" _Woof_ ," is all Evan got in reply.

When the laughter died down, Evan turned to Radek. "Seriously, how the hell do you know all this?"

As a gaggle of scientists walked by, Radek sat up a little straighter and nodded to a few. "Talking. Looking for new partners." With all eyes on him, he added, "Please. I know _everything_ about Atlantis."

At that moment, a perfectly placed Rodney McKay stopped in his tracks just adjacent to the table. The look he held would fell most of his underlings, but Radek just smirked up at his boss. "Excuse me?" Rodney asked.

Radek's cleared his throat. "What I meant was Doctor McKay knows everything about Atlantis."

"That's _better_ ," McKay said, then gave the table a smug smile.

"I just know everyone's secrets," Radek finished.

Evan and Stackhouse watched Sheppard walking toward them, and like Rodney and the scientists had been, he was carrying a tray full of food. But Sheppard hadn't managed to focus his gaze anywhere but at Rodney since walking into the Mess. 

There was suddenly a flurry from Stackhouse, and the mini notebook and pen he'd previously offered Evan seemed to slip from his hands, papers spilling to the floor, the pen somehow expertly landing on Rodney's bootlaces. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Doctor McKay," Stackhouse said, his breathless, quiet voice full of fake innocence. "I'm so clumsy."

Rodney sighed, then put his tray down and bent at the waist to retrieve the errant items and handed them back to a smirking Stackhouse. At the exact moment that Rodney had leaned down, however, Evan watched Sheppard as he stutter-stepped, tripped over his own bootlaces, and dropped his tray, which resulted in spilling chili and broken glass to the four corners of the room. Evan began to stand in an effort to help but stopped at Sheppard's stricken expression. He pretended not to notice Sheppard nudging the crotch of his BDUs with his thumb, all while not having taken his eyes from Rodney's posterior. 

Apparently, Sheppard had it worse than _he_ did.

"Dammit, Sheppard," Rodney called back. "You're never this clumsy in the field." He shook his head, and Evan couldn't help but smile at how completely clueless Rodney was. Or at how completely gone on the chief scientist his CO was. When Sheppard still hadn't moved, Rodney added, "Well, go on then. Go get some more food. But they're out of cornbread, so if you're nice to me, maybe I'll trade you for some."

Sheppard looked like he was trying to swallow something based on how much his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. When he finally cocked his head to the side and pointed to himself, Rodney sighed. "Well _go on_ ," he said, sounding exasperated, then grabbed his tray and wandered off in search of a table.

John turned and practically ran out of the Mess. Except he left through the door which led to the Control Room instead of the serving line. He ran back through the same door a second later, this time in the right direction.

"Those two chase each other around so much there should be Benny Hill music playing," Cadman muttered as she pushed her bowl of chili away. When everyone's attention fell on her, she crossed her arms defiantly. " _What_?" she asked. "Am I wrong?"

She had them there.

Evan couldn't help but let a sigh escape his lips. "So are the Colonel and I the only two military expedition members _not_ getting laid right now?"

"Yep," Cadman replied, over-pronouncing the 'P' as she stole a spoonful of Radek's jello. Radek suddenly only had eyes for her, completely ignoring everyone else. But Stacks... Stackhouse was shaking his head gently, holding his pointer finger and thumb against his forehead. And though he didn't utter a word, he mouthed the word 'LOSER' in Evan's direction.

There was a quick laugh, followed by a "What is that for?" that came from the side of their table. And suddenly, all eyes were on David Parrish, who towered above them all. Evan blushed because David stood closest to him, and couldn't help the bashful smile that quickly appeared on his face.

Evan's voice cracked like a thirteen-year-old as he offered a weak, "Hi," while at the same time, Stackhouse's fingers switched to scratching his forehead. "Oh no, nothing," he said as he continued to rub. "Dandruff." A second later, he made an incredulous face and repeated, " _Dandruff_? What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Come with me. I've been keeping a list," Cadman said as she grabbed her tray. She nudged Stackhouse until he stood, then turned her attention to Zelenka. "Coming, Radek?" she asked.

"No, no," Radek said, a smile on his face as he pushed the glasses back into place. "I need to finish-"

Cadman grabbed the rest of Radek's jello, then tossed it back like it was a shot of alcohol. "All done," she said and put the dish on her tray. And while her smile looked genuine, there was a thinly veiled threat behind it. "If you come with me now, I'll show you that thing you wanted to see." Okay, maybe not a threat but a promise. Finally, she turned to Evan and David. " _Sir_ ," she said, then winked at him. "Have a good day, Davey," she added, and then sauntered away, quickly catching up to Stackhouse and looped her free hand into his elbow.

Radek wiped his face, stood, and grabbed his tray in one quick movement, not saying a thing as he disappeared from the table and quickly caught up with Cadman and Stackhouse. 

Evan cleared his throat, happy, but also frazzled that he and David were suddenly alone. "How are ya, Doc?" he asked before the silence could stretch taut between them.

"Please," David replied with a smile, "Call me David." He sat down across from Evan.

Evan couldn't help but return the smile. " _David_ ," he practically whispered. He studied David, who looked both nervous, but at the same time, bashful. "What's up?"

"I, umm," he said, "I have a documentary? On the pre-World War Two Parisian art scene?" It sounded more like questions than statements, but David took a breath and pushed on. After another breath, he blustered out, practically in one syllable, "Ifyou'dliketowatchit?" He took a final, deep breath, and then added a whispered, "With me?"

Evan smiled. And while he knew he was practically vibrating, he hoped it didn't show. So he took a deep breath of his own, then reached out and covered David's outstretched hand with his. "I'd love to."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. Why did you read this? Seriously?


End file.
